Gone
by PammieOmana
Summary: What will you do if the only person that you love most left you? Will you be able to face your life the same way? Let's join Leonard in his quest as he tries to find Penny and bring her back in his life.


Gone

"Leonard, I think we need to end this relationship. I am sorry."

She was crying. The tears just flowed freely from her eyes. I saw how much she tried to calm herself but the liquid orbs falling in earnest betrayed her. With every sob I heard from her, I felt as though I was being stabbed straight into the heart.

I wanted to kiss her soft lips and wipe those tears away, keep her in a tight embrace and whisper to her that it was okay, that we could fix everything. I wanted to assure her that we're strong and that there was no need for us to break up. But every time I looked in her eyes, I could see the pain she'd been concealing.

There's a part in my mind and in my heart that told me I had to respect her decision. If this was what she wanted, if this was what would bring her even just a semblance of bliss, who was I to deny her of it? I love Penny so much and there was nothing I wouldn't do to ensure her own happiness.

For a moment, Penny stopped her silent sobbing. She looked at me straight into my eyes. It caused me to fear…fear because I knew what was going to transpire next.

"Leonard, I'm so sorry." With that, she started crying again.

Honestly, I didn't have a thing to say. I was clueless as to why nothing came out of my mouth even as I tried to open it to say something.

This was a very difficult situation we had placed ourselves in. We were in her apartment, seated on her comfy couch. Save for her sobbing, the place was dead quiet.

My eyes strayed to her face, my mind barking orders at me to break the silence. _Say something, Leonard. You can't just keep still. You let Penny know that everything's fine. Don't ever let her in on how painful it is for you because it will only add to her guilt. Remember: you love Penny. You love her and you should accept this doom with peace in your heart._

I quickly shook my head to rid of the inner voice and I looked at her again. I was having second thoughts as to whether or not I'd hold her hand as I spoke. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and gathered up the courage to say what needed to be said.

Opening my eyes, I noticed Penny looking at me, her eyes and nose red from her weeping. I surprised even myself when I grasped her hand, silently begging her to listen to what I had wanted to say.

There was no turning back. I needed to tell her. Now.

"Penny, you know that I love you so much. You know that I would give you everything in my power to make you happy." It dawned into me that I was finding it arduous to speak because I was trying so hard to conceal my own misery. I realized that it was touch controlling your emotions when you're in this situation.

I decided to go on. "Penny, I want to be the person who can make you smile every single day, from the moment you wake up until the time you go to sleep. I'm more than ready and willing to do everything to be sure that you're happy being with me." My fingers around her hand tightened and I drew our clasped hands closer to my lips. Holding her gaze, I spoke in a soft, controlled voice. "I love you, very, _very_ much, Penny but if you think our breaking up would be the solution to our problem, then I'd concede."

I kissed her hand, noting how it shook upon contact with my lips. I was positive Penny's heart was swelling with emotions as well and I felt I had to do something to make the situation less painful than it already was.

I'd be fine with carrying the burden of the pain. I was used to being hurt, anyway. But I didn't want Penny to feel the sadness. She didn't have to share it with me.

I thought fast. It might be on impulse but I had no choice. I needed to do the one thing that seemed easiest for me: to act like everything's fine.

I sought for understanding in her eyes. "We are good, Penny. I might not be okay today, but I will be fine. I promise." This time, I smiled…really smiled. Perhaps it came from my inability at that time to feel the pain I was searching for in my heart. I knew it was there but it wouldn't show. I didn't feel it. Maybe that was enough for her to feel the sincerity behind my smile.

Her arms suddenly wrapped around me and she kissed my cheek. "Thanks, Leonard." She drew back from the embrace and smiled warmly at me. "You really _are_ a good person." Despite the smile on her face, her eyes continued to flow with tears.

I laughed at this while trying to wipe her face dry at the same time. "Hey, you're good at crying now. Crying and smiling at the same time…was this something you learned from your acting workshop?" I said those with the faint hope that the feeble attempt at joking would help because I was out of ideas how to make her feel better.

"Leonard, thanks. This really means a lot to me." After she said that, she hugged me even tighter than before.

I wanted time to stand still. I hoped that everything was just a bad dream. I really didn't want to lose her. I didn't want her out of my life.

I allowed an even wider smile to deceive my feelings. "It's really fine, you know? I mean, we've broken up before but we remained friends, right? So, let's just think that it's like that all over again." I must've said those words with a strong conviction enough to persuade even myself.

Penny didn't say anything. A small smile was all she offered me. It prompted me to wonder if I said anything wrong.

I didn't, did I? It was true what I said: that when we broke up before, we became okay with it and we became friends. Why was her reaction like this?

I felt as though an eternity had passed with me thinking as deeply as I had. But I took note when Penny straightened in her seat before getting up. I can read from her movement what she felt uncomfortable again. It seemed as though something was bothering her.

I desperately wanted to ask her what the matter was but I was afraid it would only aggravate the problem. I didn't want her to think any more than she already had. All I wanted was for both of us to wake up tomorrow, cross paths in the hall separating our apartments and be fine, like nothing had changed…like we're friends again.

I mean, that _is_ possible, right?

Of course, it is possible, but it wasn't going to happen just yet.

I needed to come out of this denial. This wasn't right.

I felt Penny wasn't comfortable with my presence any longer. Perhaps it was because of what I said. Hence, I decided to leave. "Penny, I think I need to go," I said, getting up from my position. I wasn't feeling good myself. There was an air of uneasiness in the room that was so thick you'd die from suffocation. I really needed to leave stat.

Her reply was a curt. "Okay," she said.

Slowly, I made my way to the door, but I couldn't help looking back at her, if only for a final glance. I was saying goodbye to the person I loved most. It sunk into me that me walking out the door meant I was walking out of her life as well. I was no longer Penny's boyfriend. I was now just a friend, a neighbor, someone she'd get to have dinner with at random chances.

"Goodbye, Leonard," was all she said to me.

I smiled back at her for the last time before I quietly slipped out of the house, slowly closing the door behind me. I rushed back to my apartment, thankful that Sheldon wasn't around. I had neither the time nor the energy to explain everything to him.

I headed straight for my room and lay on my bed. The moment my back hit my soft mattress, the emotions that had been expecting came rushing into my system.

Heavy. The emotions felt heavy, pinning me down helplessly on the surface I imagined I'd be until God-knows-when. I didn't know how I'd be able to start from scratch. I didn't know if I even could.

I stayed that way for minutes, even hours, just staring into nothing and wondering how I'd be able to carry on tomorrow. And then I fell asleep.

I woke up late the following day. I intended to sleep in late since I didn't have to go to work on a Saturday. I waited until it was half past ten in the morning before I finally left the confines of my room. It was time to start _trying_.

Exiting the hall, I noticed Sheldon sitting on his desk, facing his laptop where he was Skyping with his girlfriend Amy. At the back of my mind, I felt a little jealous that Sheldon, who had never shown any interest in a romantic relationship before, still managed to get and keep himself a girlfriend.

"Oh, good, you're up, Leonard," Sheldon remarked without giving me so much as a glance. "I thought you were dead."

I sighed. "How can I be dead?"

Sheldon looked at me over his shoulder and raised a brow. "I knocked a lot of times on your door but you didn't answer."

"I guess I'd better be off dead than have this stupid conversation with you," I said instead. I forced my way into the kitchen to fix myself a cup of coffee.

"Sheldon, does Leonard know that Penny left her apartment?" I heard Amy from the screen of Sheldon's red laptop. My forehead creased in confusion. _Why would Penny leave her apartment?_

Curiosity got the better of me. I had to ask. "Hold on, Amy," I said, approaching the computer. "What are you talking about?"

"Did oversleeping cause you to be hearing impaired?" Sheldon reacted instead. "You heard the woman clearly. What is happening to you?

I didn't have the patience to answer Sheldon. I needed to know straight from Amy what hell was going on.

"Didn't you hear what I said, Leonard?" Amy repeated. "I asked Sheldon if you already know that Penny left the apartment."

I was stunned cold. _How could Penny leave? Why would she leave?_ A myriad of questions was swimming in my head.

The dash I made from my apartment to the one across the hall was fast. Impatiently, I knocked on the door. She couldn't leave. We're going to be okay, I promised her that. She didn't have to do this. She didn't have to leave.

My heart pounded with wild force from within my ribcage. This was the same amount of force that kept me knocking at the door marked 4B, first with my fist, then with my open palm.

Five minutes of knocking went by unanswered. My hand was just about to bleed from being struck against the wooden frame. "Penny, open the door. I have to talk to you. I think Sheldon and Amy are playing a prank on me. Open up!"

I went on knocking with abandon, uncaring as to whether or not I was annoying the hell out of the neighbors. What was important to me was that what Sheldon and Amy were saying wasn't true. I needed to prove them wrong. Penny didn't leave…she wouldn't leave.

I knocked and knocked until Sheldon came out from our apartment. "Leonard, how many times do I have to tell you?"

He took my hand, sore from all the knocking, and placed a key on the center of my palm. I recognized the key. I knew it very well. It was Penny's.

"Penny already left, Leonard," Sheldon said.

I started at the metal item on my palm, still in disbelief.

She was gone. She was already gone.

A/N: This is my attempt to write again. This story was inspired by The Script's "The Man Who Can't Be Moved". Every time I listen to this song, ideas came rushing to my mind so I tried to write this. My original work is in Tagalog so I asked my friend, empress-shellie to translate it in English. I give all the credits to her. Thank you, Shellie for encouraging me to write and for being a good friend =).

Let me know what you think about this. Should I continue this story or not?


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